I'm The Slop Queen and I Approved This Message

Disappointing result aside, I am so relieved that the elections are finally over.

Don't get me wrong. I believe elections are important and I'm sure I'll long for the good old days of endless campaign commercials after President Obama has himself declared king for life. I expect the next four years to be interesting, to say the least, what with our president busily increasing government control over the people through the use of "assistance" while he and Secretary Clinton find new and exciting ways to circumvent the Constitution and turn the good old U.S. of A. into the UN's bitch. That is if Iran doesn't blow us all to kingdom come first. Should be fun, don't ya think?

But seriously folks, I shouldn't bash the president too hard. We've already had him for four years so we know what he is - a media whore/darling who thinks that we should all fail if one fails, a man who never grasped the concept that life is not fair and that reducing everyone to the level of the lowest common denominator only works in arithmetic. He is the first American-born, un-American president we've ever had. He spends like a shopaholic on a bender with her boyfriend's credit card. Hey America, we aren't broke, the president still has checks in his checkbook! Johnny still can't read, let's give the teachers a raise! 12 million U.S. citizens are out of work? No worries, let's get 'em on the dole so we don't have to do something really hard like *gasp* support businesses that create jobs! Nuclear missiles? Yes, I know... they're so awkward aren't they? It's so...unfriendly... to have a national defense system. Let's all have a global group hug and disarm, shall we? Who wants to go first? Russia? No? Okay, we'll go first because we're all pals and we want to make Vladimir happy. Yoo hoo, Iran...now you boys play nice and put away your centrifuges okay? No more threatening to annihilate Israel or we might get mad and stomp our foot! And by the way, we're really sorry that we have freedom of speech and religion in the U.S. Another four years of bashing away at that pesky Constitution and we'll have that little  problem solved. Just be a patient and soon we'll be as helpless and impotent as most of Europe. Benghazi? Dead Americans? Protestors with RPGs? What ARE you on about? Oh, have you read my latest book? It's called "Liar, Liar, Our Embassy's on Fire."

No, the next four years won't be the president's fault. We'll be getting exactly what we deserve because we re-elected him. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... you get the idea. Obama got elected the first time because he promised us hope and change. Even I fell for it. We didn't know him but we were tired and bored and wanted a break from the seriousness that was The Shrub. We were tired of being responsible. We wanted everything to be someone else's fault and problem. We wanted to party. We wanted life to be easy. Obama was the faith healer at a tent revival and we lined up to be SAVED! THANK YOU  JEEZUS! Be sure to pick up your complimentary government tit at the door.

Only it hasn't been a party. We aren't healed. Instead we've been bled nearly dry. We're crippled by our dependence, a dependence that our president has encouraged. Meanwhile, we're weakened by his philosophy that everyone should be the same. Obama's "noble poor" sentimentalism wants us to be ashamed because we don't get all our meals from a garbage dump and live in a 5 x 5 dirt floor shanty with 30 of our closets relatives. Yet at least half of us thought it was a good idea to bring him back because "The best is yet to come." Oh goody.

We've willingly abdicated our responsibility to a man who tells us it's not our fault, here take another hit from the government crack pipe - it'll all be okay. And we've embraced him. Because hey, who doesn't love their dealer? 

Get a shovel America, it's time to pick out your dying hole.